On Other Bad Things In America,
Especially While Continuing to Be Black
From: Jane Tawel
May 8, 2020
Ahmaud Arbery
I am posting this every where I can think of in the hope that a lot of people will find energy to keep fighting other “bad things” in the world, even in this strange time of Corona Virus. I hope people of conscience will continue to be outraged about the racism and injustice that continue to spread like a deadly virus throughout America. I hope people will read much and do much. I hope when you read this, you will like I, try to find ways to stand up and stand with.
This is from my friend, Tamara Horton, about her thoughts today on being black in America:
“I am silent because I am always silenced by the violence that continues. The louder I get the more fear of violences creeps in. My fear for myself and my family is real. Everyday that my husband walks through the door unharmed is a blessing for real. Some in America do not walk around with this fear but I carry this burden it seems everywhere. Some want to argue this fear that I feel isn’t real. If they just took a moment to acknowledge the real, They too would tremble with fear. What’s interesting is they tell me it is me that they fear. I wonder why? A long time ago they made it clear that life, liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness was never for me for real (not here anyway). I pray that this fear would be shared for real. This burden is heavy and I can’t carry it myself on the real. Please stand with me and stand for me because I can’t stand the waves alone on the real.”
My friend, Tamara
I wrote the following in my own pathetic attempt to try to stand with and for Tamara and others who once again are carrying a burden they should not have to bear.
Dear Tamara, This is so tragically and beautifully said. I thank you for your willingness to open up your heart on this on a social platform. The fact that our country’s deeply embedded racism and treatment of people of color in this country as if they were still slaves, (or “illegal”) — still lesser because of their skin color is not just an historical shame as some would like to make it, but a current outrage and an eternal shame in the eyes of God.
I apologize for my own ignorant acceptance of my white privilege throughout my life. I can not imagine what it is like to see day after horribly unbelievable day, a person who is killed by a white man or a white policewoman or a gang of white thugs — killed just because of my skin color. I weep to think of you waiting at your home to see whether or not your husband will return home safely.
To see our prisons filled with people of color, while white privileged crooks go free at alarming rates; to see our country slide into an immoral pit where it is okay for white armed terrorists to protest the government’s desire to save their lives, while a black man who peacefully takes a knee in protest of the continued treatment of human beings is mocked and scorned; to deny black citizens the right to vote as if they were still slaves; and to think that we allow the institutionalized injustice against people of color to continue to effect the most basic rights of all human beings — no let’s say it — our immoral treatment and sanctioned racism — especially of black people — no let’s say it — especially of black men — this is our shame and if ever there were a reason for judgement against us, this is it.
I know, I know — I confess this is easy for me to say, which is why I say, thank you, Tamara Horton. Thank you to all those who are living with dignity and purpose, even while fearful of the cost of being black in America today. Thank you to all those who continue to speak out, even in discouragement, even in fear, for saying what costs you more every day than I will ever know. Please –Forgive me and continue to believe that you can help me do better.
Who do you need to stand with and for today?
Thank you. ~~Jane
Jane Tawel 
I believe corvid 19 is not the worst virus, there are many worse viruses and plagues in this world this. There is much sickness of mind and it is genetic in many cases it is inbred. This is why it has become so virulent. I suggest Tamara rises out of fear as this draws the negative into you. I live as an only foreigner and white in Egypt and the village I live in is quiet but the undercurrent is gross. I have had to become resilient to the creatures who live here and rise above them and stand with Our Heavenly Father. My only friend in this country is concerned. I have been attacked by children and women here. When your a White Lighter as Tamara and her family are they need if possible to move out of the hell hole. They are beacons of God’s Light Tamara must use this Light to strengthen and protect her and her family and please loose the fear. Sending prayers and healing.
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Puzzles of the Soul — wow, what a testimony and witness you are. I will share your words with Tamara as I am sure they will encourage her. Peace and love to you and yours today. Jane
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Please do share with Tamara, lets lift her energy up and above those around her.
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Well said. These brutal realities dawned on me when I did social work at a group home for kids. They moved me because I saw their greatness despite the systems designed to lock them up. The key is support and empowerment along with the willingness to listen, care, and reevaluate a society with confused and mean values as you have put it so well. Thank you for this meditation and your friend’s revelation.
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oneroundcorner — you were truly in the trenches and your point is important — I can “feel” all I want, but it is the systems that we must find a way to change. And we can only change the systems, as you say, if we are willing to look hard at what our real values are and change them — first in myself, then as I can in others. Thank you for the comment and read, and I will pass them on to Tamara. Thank you also for your posts — I enjoy them very much. Happy Day to you today, Jane
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It was a lockdown facility. The first place kids go after jail. It was hard to hear the stories of what they went through at such a young age. But I connected with them deeply because I didn’t have a childhood either but the insular abuse in my family was masked with money so I didn’t get processed through a system. But we were also a part if the system being a “group home” and the people I worked with were some of the best people I’d ever know. So kind hearted and full of the desire to help that the place made as much out of me as I impacted them. Thank you again for bringing this to mind. I hope your day has plenty of value and joy in it too Jane! Pete 🦋🙏🦋
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Pete –You make my heart warm to think of how you have risen above the bad things to do good to others. For the first time, I am working via lessons and letters with prisoners, and it is so humbling and fulfilling, and also as you say a small miracle of connection. I am reminded of Sophocles: “To be doing good, is man’s most glorious task”. and Buddha’s: “Set your heart, just on doing good. Do good over and over again, and you will be filled with joy.” Thank you for the good wishes for value and joy — “right back at ‘cha!” 🙂 Jane
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🍄🙏🍄
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I’ve only had a tiny glimpse and taste of racism here and there. When I’ve felt able I’ve called it out “That’s racist”, but that I mostly keep my head below the parapet. I recall the most vivid was being chased up a street by an angry man who hated so much what he thought I represented, but that I am not a race a colour a gender, I am me. At the moment I also have a glimpse of what that fear of waiting at your home to see whether or not your partner will return home safely, for mine works in a hospital. At first given no PPE and until my son actually made a visor on a 3D printer and I had to go out to WHSmiths and buy some OHP to make the front… (well you get me). The racists we are all fighting right now are such tiny specs of nothingness, but that they don’t come to try to kill us alone, but in hordes in a sneeze!! We are one race that belong here on Earth to plant trees that shade, sniff flowers that bees visit to create food and also to grow kindness towards each other, even towards the human racists (of which back when he was alive my father was in voice only occasionally). Here’s to the future.
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Over Soil — Thank you for sharing this personal and beautiful mediation on this. Wow, yes you do understand and I hope and pray that your partner, one of the real unsung heroes of this age, will be safe and protected. It must be hard also to help care for the feelings surrounding the fear of both of you and I hope that you, with all your knowledge on care (I read your blog) and your wisdom will find the strength and hope you need. I too, as you know, long to grow as one people, caring for our Mother Earth. May it be so and ever so.
Shalom to you and yours today, Jane
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It is unprecedented and oh, so powerful. I choke up every time I witness white people voice what the Spirit of God is moving in the world at this time. I live in a small town, mostly white, and was stunned to see a large crowd of them protesting and holding up black lives matter signs. I’m experiencing that as I read your post. Thank you Jane. You are heard, you are acknowledged. You hold your vulnerable heart out at great risk. I take it from you carefully, hold it close to mine, and hand it back to you. Thank you for holding mine with great care.
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Dear hannahtk, I am unable to find words for how I feel reading your comment — “humbled” seems trite for some reason, “blessed” seems too stagnant — I feel vulnerable to you and to your words, yes — like a child who has tried her best and feels, as you say, “held” by a power greater than her own, a voice more true than mere words can support. To allow your hands even for a moment to be entrusted to hold mine is a great privilege that I will try not to forget with time and try to be worthy of in future. May this circle formed for this moment, grow strong in the waves of justice. May the future rise up to meet you, may you rise, may you rise—- Jane
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Hi Jane, I’m working on a current post series that I think will touch your heart, plus you inspired certain aspects of it. It starts on https://tribalminded.com/2020/06/10/blak-lives-matter-part-1/
I’m really enjoying your writing. Blessings upon you this day, precious child of the King.
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Thanks hannahtk — I did as you asked, but left this part of your comment above so people who read my blog can find your link above as well. Is that okay? Blessings back at ‘cha and shalom, Jane
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