If-Only’s, What If’s, & Now

by Jane Tawel

“Doors” by robynejay is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.


If-Only’s, What-if’s, and Now

By Jane Tawel

May 24, 2023


The “If-only’s” stuck inside

create a life-time of regret.

We become unaware

that we have created our own unhealthiness — 

Re-gretting. Re-griefing.


And we bring it all back up,

again, and again,

like bile, like vomit,

like hiccups that never end.

We drink the dregs left from the past,

and our insides ache,

but we keep sucking it all down,

and spewing it all out again.

Like carbonated bubbles,

we keep burping back up past wrongs.

Heart-burn as choice.

We come close to letting go,

but step away,

as if the perfume of freedom,

freedom from the past,

is too heady a scent,

too strong to wear now.

We re-fuse to re-alize

that all of us must leave

the past at the altar.

Kick it to the curb.

Close the door.

Re-lease ourselves,

from the past,

once and for all.

If-only we could leave the past at the altar,

the altar where we forgive ourselves all,

in the same way we forgive others, all,

we would never look back.

We never would look back.

We can never re-turn,

but we can, with re-joicing, re-pent.

Repent! which is just another word

for turning around and turning a new leaf,

and turning out our pockets,

where we hoard past judgments.

We re-place the thoughts of yesterday,

With awareness and love of today.

We can stop.

We can re-fuse the refuse of the past,

in order to sit still,

to be,

in order to walk ahead.


Living with the “What-ifs”,

is not a life of hope;

it is a life of fear.

“What if this happens?” “What if I don’t — ?”

“What if she does — “ “What if they — “

“What if?”

Fear of tomorrow,

is a cornered animal,

a dream spent in anxiety

about the un-real.

And the fears

that multiply like choking weeds in my mind,

kill the living garden trying to grow

within me, today.

The worries pound,

like a headache at the door of my heart.

And I bring them all in,

“Make yourself at home.”

And they crowd in like an unruly mob,

fighting for my mind’s inattention.

Trying to gather the slippery slopes,

the thoughts of the future,

is like trying to grasp and hold on to

wisps of smoke.

I peer ahead, through the mists of what-ifs,

blinded by them to today;

they blind like smog, like fog.

Seeing but not seeing,

imagining but not knowing,

wishing but not hopeful.

My mind is a shimmering chimera,

real only to my doubts of what is true,

what is real and true, only in the now.

I look at what-ifs,

as if they exist,

but it is like drawing funny faces on a mirror,

faces without humor,

and I look at my reflections,

as if the reflections are myself

and not an image I have created out of lies,

for things that may never be,

are as much lies, as things that were then,

but are no longer now.

Only the present is Truth.


Why do I imbue the present time

with so little valued meaning?

Why do I keep my accounts from the past?

I have already paid them in full.

Why do I invest in days and hours

that might never be?


The soul cries to self:

“Rejoice! Today, you may yet live!”


Today waits for no man,

and yet it waits for my embrace.

Today’s possibility

stands knocking at the door of my life,

as truly as my heart knocks against my chest.

Spirit whispers, a still, small voice

that calms the storms of yesterday,

that blows away the cobwebs of yesterday,

that comforts the whimpering fears of tomorrow,

that sings to rest, all that should be laid to rest.

The Voice is not heard by the mind,

but speaks to our spirit, our hearts,

as only true feelings, true love,

can communicate:

“Behold, Love stands at the door and knocks.

If any one opens the door,

Love will come in to her, and they shall feast together — 

eyes, ears, smell, touch, taste — feasting.




And if any open the door,

Love will abide with you

and together,

right now,

you will find peace.”

© Jane Tawel, 2023

Love is the Ocean. Jump in!

by Jane Tawel



Love is the Ocean. Jump In!

By Jane Tawel

May 19, 2023


They say in heaven there will be no more seas.

And I thought, “That would be a loss.”

Until I realized all Truth speaks metaphorically.

There is no need to see an ocean or a sea,

if you are in one.

There is no need to dip a toe in the waves,

if you are one.


Love (or God, whichever you prefer to call Her) — 

Yes, whatever you want to call the Power of Life,

that which powers all Truth,

that which lives in all Living things,

that which loves all, because it eventually is All — 

This force in life, this force in each of us,

calls us to live life fully,







at One.

God-Love is not for someday-somewhere.

Love is for you today, and when you have love,

you can love. You are love.


When you become aware that you are only filled with love,

you become a wave

in the Ocean of Love.

A wave may ebb and flow,

but that is just a wave’s way of becoming something else,

of becoming something reborn,

as every drop of water does

when it is in The Ocean.

Every drop of Love becomes something else,

when it is in The Ocean of Love.

And so, nothing that is Love ever dies.

Everything that is born of Love remains;

love remains rebirthing as Love, forever.


Do not be afraid of jumping headlong into the Ocean of Love.

By loving yourself and others, you live in Heaven on Earth.

Jump in. God is Love. Jump in. The water’s fine.


Today heaven comes to earth,

not when we stand on the shore and look to some distant horizon,

but when we humbly and bravely acknowledge,

that we are loved. We are made only to be love.

And just as an Ocean can not exist without the waves,

so too, the waves do not exist

unless they are part of something greater than they are alone.

A wave is created in the image of an Ocean,

and we are created in the image of Love.

We can only be ourselves, when we love being ourselves.

Love yourself today; without you, there can be no Ocean.

And love all others, for they too, are waves, and without them,

there can be no Ocean.

Be a wave at One with all Life’s waves,

for the Ocean is the waves, and the waves are The Ocean.


We are but waves in the Ocean of Love,

and someday, even if we shall be no more,

The Ocean in which we live, shall remain,



Someday, there will be no more seas to conquer, no ocean to fear,

no depths, nor heights of tides or time to scale or suffer.

Today we can enter into what will one day be only and all,

A Kingdom on earth as it is in Eternity, where only Love exists.


Jump in! Feet first! Hands out! Eyes open!

The Water is Good.

The Water will hold you.


Jump in with me.

And we shall have no need to watch the tides or times,

for we shall be as One,


in the Ocean of Love.

© Jane Tawel, 2023

Returning True Self to True God

A poem by Jane Tawel

“Primordial” by Patrick Gensel is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.


Returning True Self to True God

By Jane Tawel

May 4, 2023


I lie down in fear and awake in fear,

the fear of not being enough.

I stumble over the thoughts that trip,

the memories or doubts that trip me up.

And then I sit by my window sill

and quiet my mind and my wandering thoughts,

and then — of a sudden — my soul is stilled

and I close my eyes and open my ears

and the symphony of life in the trilling birds

returns my true self to me and true God.


We’ve made up so many false theories and prayers

about gods and their communications.

We fight for our gods for religions we’ve made.

We confuse our gods with our own nations.

We love to make gods who require so little,

or a god who’ll judge others with no chance of acquittal.

We’re so busy in judging our foes, friends and peers,

unforgiveness returns in our own hellish fears.

We believe in a God who will angrily choose

to send us to heaven or hell,

and we don’t see the life we are living right now

is already a hell or a heaven in which we now dwell.


Look around. Stop death’s fear.

Quiet down. God is near.

Be at peace. Don’t ask how.

God is Good. God is here.

God is now.


There’s a God Who’s as close as a song in the dawn,

as close as the stranger I meet.

There’s a true God, as present as our doubts and our hopes;

there’s a God Who’s alive in every heart-beat.

There’s a God Who is playful and full of deep joy.

There’s a God who is born anew in each girl and boy.

There’s a God who cares nothing for our theology,

for God’s too busy loving us — loving you, loving me.


There is not a God Who’s at a distance above.

There isn’t a God causing judgment or fear.

For how could that be? When God is only True Love?

For how could that be? When God is right here?


My thoughts go in circles and fearful formations,

when I think that I know or am knowing.

But if only I find peace and awe in creation,

then there’s only real Love to and from me that’s flowing.


The poet sang, “Be Thou my vision, Oh, God,

here, yes God, True God of my heart”.

Oh, Be Thou my ears and my hands and my eyes.

Be Thou within me today and tonight.

Be only Love in me, for me, and from me.

Be True Love only, for eternal life.

Be my True God, with no knowing required.

And may only my true self be God’s true heart’s desire.


© Jane Tawel, 2023

Mercy Me

I first heard this song by Mary Gauthier, called “Mercy Now” on some Australian series I can’t remember the name of now. Love the words, love the song. Someone might need to hear it right about now. Remember, we all need a little mercy now and then, and we all need to offer some mercy now and then. I think if we looked deeply into Life, we would see mercy written throughout the world, from the tallest mountain to the deepest ocean floor, from the soaring eagle to the crawling caterpillar, from the highest official to the smallest child. We all need a little mercy now –and forever. And I think, if we open ourselves to it, we will find it and then give it.