Grey and Me

“Rainy day on Campus” by cseeman is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

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Grey and Me

By Jane Tawel

March 4, 2023

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I love the sounds and sights of grey.

It’s funny how a day

can feel a certain way to some

and others feel a difference.
 Do you think there’s significance

in just what kind of mood is struck

by just what luck the weather holds?

And whether we like sun or clouds

will take some blame for what enfolds.

*

But as for me, I do incur

a pleasure when the world is blurred

by fog or clouds or rain or drizzle.

But others like the world to sizzle

with sun and heat and bright, hot blues.

And that’s okay — that’s me and you.

*

So, whether we find solitude

or being out there romping through

the kind of weather that brings people together — 

they’re both okay — it’s just our kind of day.

But if there are a few of you,

who like I do, need some excuse,

to stay inside, alone, obtuse

to what so many gain in pleasure

by peopling out there in fine weather,

then you may know, and with me say:

“God, give me less of sunny rays!

I find myself at home in greys.”

*

© Jane Tawel, 2023

Dust and Rain

by Jane Tawel

my window seat and rain

Dust and Rain

By Jane Tawel

February 24, 2023

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Sitting here,

watching the birds in their feathered drab raincoats,

pick through the dust for worms.

The lovely, longed-for rain has come.

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Yet I recall

that all and all is gone

or almost gone.

Faith fades like light in shallowed dusk.

And you have left,

and you and you and you.

*

And I will leave soon, too.

And this time, I will leave (I hope) for Good.

I’m sorry — please forgive me — 

that I so little valued Time

and little valued you, and you, and you,

’til all, or almost all, were gone.

*

Oh, what are memories,

but fallow, shallow-laid dust?

Yes, we are but from dust

and to the dust shall we return.

And one can only hope,

The Wind will carry us.

*

Perhaps The Wind,

The Wind of rain and dust,

will carry us,

to land upon the future,

and sting some other’s eyes.

Perhaps my dust will settle down,

to meld with other dust,

and rain will form us into mud,

to nurture living things.

Or might my dust,

light softly on my dear ones’ heads,

as off they tread to the party,

to dance and laugh

and remember sometimes,

that though we are but dust,

Love is what we’re made of, too.

*

Some say it’s never over;

that one becomes one plus One

to equal more than just this particle of dust.

And some can bide their Time

until the ooze of Earth has passed,

and Time is blown into Eternity,

like so much dust.

And some can find a way,

to shape dust into clay,

and mold the hours of now

into something worthy of Love.

*

But I am just a little thing,

not much at all,

not more than just this speck.

And yet I have been loved.

And yet I have so loved.

*

I don’t know much of anything.

but for today,

as I sit here,

the lovely, lovely, needed rain,

will have to be enough.

© Jane Tawel, 2023.

  • ** This past Wednesday I was able to partake in what for me is still one of the meaningful rites and “passages” in a lunar calendar, Ash Wednesday. This poem may have been inspired by the ancient teaching in the Genesis story and the beginning of profound humbling as to who we are and to what we can possibly hope for from a SomeOne/ Something that chooses to communicate to even dust. (Genesis 3:19: “And God said to Adam, from dust I created you and to dust you shall return.” ) 
Ash Wednesday, 2023

I Teach Them How

I found this in a notebook when I was clearing out “stuff”. I wrote this way back in 2007, before I ever started this blog space and when I still drove my four kids around to things and often drove them crazy. Written before I knew how quickly those years of parenting would pass and written, well, during everything that mattered.

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I Teach Them How

by Jane Tawel, 2007

Morning seeps in.

I wake… frayed.

To start the day whole,

I pray.

Dear God, open my eyes — 

literally.”

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I drive.

Tires screeching at cement,

me screeching at other drivers — 

“Jesus! Watch out!” — 

as if they could hear me.

(Thank God they can’t.)

My children watch me

and catch on –

they are learning — 

Life is Stress.

*

Move on. Move on.

No time for now.

I teach my children how

to live ahead.

And how to dread,

Time’s screeching stops,

and miss the drops

of grace that only appear

when fear of something being taken

is prayed away

by living in the present

of the Present.

*

“Dear God of Open Roads Ahead,

and open skies and open hands;

Dear God of open minds and open hearts,

please open mine.

Open my life to Yours.

Open me to just this moment.”

“Okay, Kids, Open the Door.

Everyone get out.

We’re here.”

*

Home, hone, hold.

Hope.

Home.

Here.

*

Frazzled at day’s close,

clinging and cuddling

those who look to me — 

and I — I look to them.

The holy diadem of motherhood

is tarnished but not lost.

I thank God for the cost and pray:

“Oh, let there be a better day,

a better way

for me to love as You,

Great Parent-Father-Mother,

Who does at greatest cost,

Parent the small and lost.

Redeem my every childish way,

my every willful, careless day,

and help my children see,

the You that lives

even in one as immature as me.”

*

© Jane Tawel, 2007

The Junk Drawer

“A junk drawer, inherited” by eugmeid is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

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The Junk Drawer

By Jane Tawel

February 14, 2023

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Everyone needs a junk drawer,

a little drawer where they can keep

the things not really needed,

but that they just can’t throw away.

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I have a junk drawer

where I store

the odds and ends,

the manuals and receipts,

things that cause me fear

to disregard;

Things I’m too afraid that I might need someday.

I’ve thrown in

the pictures and notes,

the nails and screws and washers,

the old wine corks and pieces of string;

the things that must belong to things –

 — I’m sure of it! — 

things I might need some day.

A junk drawer is a useful thing,

as long as you can close it;

as long as you can shut inside

all the things you can’t decide about,

all the things you plan on thinking about,

all the stuff you don’t know

what to do with,

stuff to save to figure out,

where it might belong,

stuff to save for using,

another day,

tomorrow maybe,

but not today.

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I wish I had a junk drawer

for thoughts my mind can’t throw away.

I wish I could cram down inside

all the thoughts I have no use for,

thoughts that cause me fear

to disregard;

 thoughts that have no purpose,

but that I might find handy to pull out,

one day,

but not today.

I wish had a place that I could open,

and stuff in all my feelings,

and then close them up tight,

without needing to do anything with them.

I wish I had a junk drawer

for all the missing, broken parts of me

that I don’t know what to do with.

*

© Jane Tawel, 2023

I Have Lived a Life of Fear

“Cobwebs” by Settle Snapper is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

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I Have Lived a Life of Fear

By Jane Tawel

February 6, 2023

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I have lived a life of fear.

From fearfulness to fearfulness,

like spiders creating strong webs,

I can’t escape.

And often I thought it was strength,

my ability to turn my fears into action.

Often, I thought my fear was strength,

and often I thought I was in the right.

Webs grow strongest

when they are left in unclean places.

*

Fear has so many disguises.

Now a spider,

now a child.

I was once that child,

hiding and seeking;

a child who didn’t know how or when

fear appeared.

Fear hides among the games we play.

As we grow, the games change,

and fear can hide among all we seek.

*

Today I sat,

like a cat looking out my window

at the world.

And I tried for just a moment,

to let all thoughts die,

both the good and the bad,

both the anxieties and the memories,

both the hopes and the fears –

I had to kill them all;

I had to sweep them all out

of my corners and crannies and open spaces,

because I didn’t know which was which any more.

*

And suddenly, like a breeze that

blows away the dead webs,

and leaves only clean light,

my Spirit became more than a caged animal.

And for a moment, within me,

there was an altar.

And my body was a temple.

and on the altar,

I sacrificed my fears.

*

And the Temple of the Lord — 

my body, my mind, my heart, my life — 

was filled with the soft light of peace.

And I brushed away the cobwebs,

and let the spiders go free.

And The Temple of my World

was filled with joy.

And we worshiped.

*

© Jane Tawel, 2023

And On It Goes

On the Road to Joshua Tree by Jane Tawel

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And On It Goes

By Jane Tawel

January 20, 2023

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And on it goes –

this life.

If you’re lucky.

And if you take

(and give and take),

well, then,

a little time

can go a long way.

*

There is nothing real,

nothing that exists,

that you do not create

for yourself,

but mostly that, and if,

you do create

for others.

All else is suffering.

*

Truth tells us truly,

that anything we make,

without love,

will never last longer,

than the span of our lives.

But all created  

with love is eternal.

*

Today, be love.

Today, be eternal.

Be what you were created to be—

an image of Creator-Love.

Real. Here. Now.

Love.

Life.

Forever.

And on and on it goes.

*

(c) Jane Tawel, 2023

Teatime and Rain

“Quiet Tea Time” by Kirinohana is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

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Teatime and Rain

By Jane Tawel

January 8, 2023

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And friends came to tea,

something Americans don’t really do,

but which, for some reason, I love.

Just a little meal with lots of space,

space for conversation.

*

And one day past tea-time,

and out the windows,

I see the thirsty soil,

has sucked down all the water

from two -day old rain,

another thing not often happening,

here in the desert.

*

The earth has filled and emptied.

The world can still amaze.

And the birds sing and dance among the branches.

My house is full of memories –

memories of friends and rain;

and teacups filled and emptied,

waiting to be filled again.

© Jane Tawel, 2023

So, What Does it Mean to Be New?

By Jane Tawel

New Year’s Eve.

December 31, 2022

“fireworks” by SJ photography is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

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So, what does it mean to be new, new, new?

Oh, what does it mean to be new?

For isn’t the time that we think we have spent,

just simply our changed point of view?

*

Oh, what’s in the name of a day, day, day,

and what’s in the name of a year?

For don’t the hours pass in the same old way

as the moments by moments appear?

*

Oh, must we insist this is the new year,

encroaching, about to appear?

I fear we have missed the point — 

We exist to live in the now and the here.

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So, what does it mean to be new, new, new?

Oh, what does it mean to be new?

I think that it means I can be a new me,

and that I can see you’re a new you.

For I’m not the same as I was just last minute,

and you can have changes that have no great limits.

Will you look at me, and let me look at you?

And we will walk forward — so new, new, new.

Yes, we will begin again new.

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Happy New Minute, Friends!

Embrace Your New!

Embrace Your You!

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© Jane Tawel, New Year’s Eve, 2022

The Question Tells Our Stories

“Open Book Policy” by Alex E. Proimos is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.

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The Question Tells Our Stories

By Jane Tawel

December 2, 2022

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The young are ensnared,

by the Questioners,

who with all good intentions intact,

nonetheless, trap them

and grade them,

and release them into the world

thinking that the questions are:

What?

Who?

When?

And many never learn that these questions

have no ultimate worth

and will never satisfy.

For that which we all long for is — 

a story worth telling

a story worth listening to,

a story worth living.

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And all of us,

may be ground down

by those who lead

the inquisitions of

banal things,

like education, and politics, and religion.

We who educate the young

still believe we can teach them answers.

Have none of us learned yet,

that all that matters

are what questions we learn to ask,

and live with?

How few of us learn,

that all of life’s prompts,

are asking each of us,

all of us,

to answer only — 

“How?”

and “Why?”

And few of us learn or know

that when we ask

the real questions,

that even the questions are unclear,

But that living with the right questions

will lead us,

and we will lie down in green pastures,

near still waters,

in peace

with the questions.

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Oh, yes, many of us still seek

what we think to be written

in black and white.

And we foolishly walk in halls

constructed by Whats and Whos

and made crooked with straight lines

and covered in moldy, dead pictures

of dead saints and deader patriots.

And we live lives afraid of our own stories.

And we must hate and fear something,

so, we hate and fear the stories of others.

And we keep chasing whats and whos.

As if they were real.

As if they could last.

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Listen to the elders speak.

“Oh, Our People –

when human stories are no longer told,

and we no longer look at each other

awed by the mystery,

then the heroes have failed

and the protagonist has died,

and the antagonists of the Story,

and the enemies of meaning and longing,

have won.

But they too, silly fools,

will have no victory in death.

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Oh, we must remain awake!

We must keep turning the pages;

pages written only for us

in this place, and this time.

We must keep searching for the themes,

one by one,

eyes open

past our bedtimes

times that would turn out our lights,

and leave the Story unfinished.

Oh, I am learning to live

in the mystery

that all Good Stories must have,

waiting to gasp at the surprise ending.

For we know not

of what we are made of now,

but one day, we shall be revealed to be,

not what we are,

not who we are,

not what we have been;

but Why we have been,

and Why we have lived,

and Why we will always be.

*

Oh, My People,

when we stop telling each other our stories,

and listening to each other’s stories — 

Well, that is when the Story of humanity

and of our beautiful earth,

will end –

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Oh, My People,

Tell your stories.

Tell them to whomever will listen.

Tell your story

in your bedroom,

in your office,

in check-out lines

and empty pews,

and protest marches

and wherever you are

and with whomever you are with.

And when you tell your true story,

and listen to another’s true story,

Why, then –

whatever you do

that you think is important

will be revealed

to be a lovely, peaceful little nothing at all,

compared to the True Story of You.

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Oh, My People,

Learn your story.

You are not a what

Or a who

Or a when — 

You have come through your story, thus far,

by learning to ask “How”.

And if you haven’t already,

You must now be brave enough

to ask yourself, “Why?”.

And then write

just the next moment of your story,

that is all your story needs,

the next word,

the next line,

the next action

that answers your “Why”.

And then you may write

one moment more,

and that too,

will be the answer.

And by asking the write questions,

You are asking the right questions.

And you are turning the page,

on another day to become closer

to the Story’s Awesome Ending! — 

and the answer to Why.

“Here am I, Oh Why. Send me.”

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You are an arc, a radius, a point,

in the Awesome Circle

we sit in together,

telling the Story of Why.

Take part today in the Circle of Life.

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And in the questions,

that your story,

and his story,

and her story,

and their story

ask with words whispered,

with proclamations shouted,

with songs sung;

the questions,

written large and small

with nubby pencils,

and leaking ink pens,

and sticks on cave walls,

and bindings both new and old — 

in the questions pulsing

like living hearts outside a body,

in the stories of yourself and others,

and all of humankind — 

you will find the Living Mystery,

that some call “God”,

and some call “Meaning”,

and some call “The Answer” — 

but all of humankind calls — 

“ The Why”.

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Oh, My People,

There are only two stories to be told.

One is loss.

And the other is –

Love.

Loss is the story of How.

Loss will guide the protagonist’s steps,

if allowed to be the catalyst to change.

But the only story worth

keeping on the top shelf of your thinking,

and the locked vault of Memory’s library,

and passed from hand to hand

in the circles of our gatherings;

and kept safely, next to the bed

to be read again,

and with parts memorized

for telling when the nightmares come,

or our sleepy children snuggle close,

or an old worn out body breathes its last;

the only story to be cherished

and told and retold and told again,

the story that is no respecter of persons,

but available for free,

always for all of us;

the only story worth living for,

worth dying for,

worth trusting in;

the Story with the real Ending,

that will never, never come,

but that will go on into eternity,

Why, that Story –

the story that answers “Why”,

is the Story of Love.

Oh, My People,

the only story that when told and retold,

never grows stale or boring,

the only story that is worth sharing,

again,

and again,

and again

is the Story of Love.

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And Love will always,

Always — 

Always — 

Be — 

Forever…

The Story that answers

the only question worth asking:

Why?

© Jane Tawel, 2022

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I lived among the books and things,

and rode the merry-go-round.

And as I reached for the golden ring — 

Why — suddenly I found

that Life is not a carousel

that I did have to ride,

so, I slid off, so I could tell,

of what I’d found, before I died.

Oh, Children, do not hop aboard,

this world’s illusive wheel.

Instead, trust what you feel,

to be the Path your soul reveals.

For it’s within your very own,

dear self that you will find

a true and loving peaceful home,

for heart, and soul, and mind.

You must be brave.

You must be modest.

You’ll find The Path,

most strange and oddest.

But you will find around each bend,

our joy in journeying never ends.

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© Jane Tawel, 2022

Forgivin’ is Livin’

by Jane Tawel

“Fake Bird, Real Sky” by Daveography.ca is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

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Forgivin’ is Livin’

By Jane Tawel

November 19, 2022

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Forgive my assumptions

that lead me to doubt

that You have guided and gifted me.

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Forgive my forgetting

the times that pure Grace

was all that protected and lifted me.

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Forgive my instructions

that force You to choose

whether Your will or my will is done.

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Forgive me the most

for the things that I boast of

while neglecting it all came through grace.

And help me, today,

to walk in a New Way,

that one day, We may stand face to Face.

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Forgive that I choose

to be lazy or greedy

and to live in a life based on fear.

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May I do what is hardest,

and forgive me, Myself;

to stop looking outside me,

for there’s nothing to right me,

but the Love that’s inside me,

and has always been here.

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Forgiving is freeing

You, you, and you.

Forgiving is seeing

that all that is True,

is Faith, Hope, and Love—

all the rest will be past,

and all that will last,

is whatever I’ve given

to bring to earth, Heaven.

Oh! “for-givin’” is livin’

in Eternity now.

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“Go, now, your sins are forgiven. Which is harder to say? Your body is healed or your soul is healed? You have forgiven yourself in the same measure that you have forgiven others. Forgive yourself as We forgive you. Forgive, and Live.” (Paraphrased from The Wise One)

© Jane Tawel, 2022