So, today my country makes history, yet again. This time, the history making event, is one of huge proportions, of criminality, of power abused, and the abuse of power revealed and charged.
Today, the purpose of the American judicial system is revealed for what it was, at its best, meant to achieve. No one is privileged under the rule of law, which is meant to be the same for every citizen of a democratic nation. It has rarely, rarely, rarely been in this country, or any country, but today it is. Today, my nation also takes seriously, and lets every citizen know, that espionage, is still a “thing”, and it is dangerous and it is punishable by the highest courts in the nation. There have been many who escape our laws, because they have enough money to do so. Today, at least for a while, we can believe that whether you are white or black, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, born here or born elsewhere and melded into the American quilt of
“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore”; no matter what your last name is or how many buildings you may have it emblazoned on or spray painted on; that we, the American people, will assume you are innocent, but if you are proved guilty, you will be brought to justice, because we, the American people, deserve justice for all.
The last time I felt the kind of “we are making history” feeling, I have today, was when I got my first Covid shot, in a big tented parking lot at Cal Poly University, where nurses from all over the United States had been flown to various other locations, put up in hotels, away from their families, but dedicated to the cause of helping us fight the first world pandemic since the early 20th Century. Masked, and still afraid after months of fear, I felt so very brave. I felt that I was connected to the many Americans, not only getting a vaccine shot today to keep themselves and others safe and alive, but to the many Americans who had lived through rations during World Wars, who had fought for a cause other than oil or land, but for human rights and to defeat those nations who would abuse their power by making racism or greed an excuse for the horrors of war. I felt that as the smallest of all citizens in this nation, I was, by doing my part, a part of the Whole. I was making history.
And the time before that, when I, with very little hope that it could happen, experienced the pure elation of seeing history in the making, a night when I spontaneously wept with the joy of disbelief, was the night I gathered with my family, around our television set, and watched history being made with the announcement that my nation now had a Black President. I am not the one who has the right to enumerate my country’s sad history of racially motivated wrongs, (beginning with the genocide of First Nation peoples), but in this case, more specifically the enslavement and horrors inflicted upon African, i.e. Black slaves, and I can not speak to the heart-wrenching stories I read daily of the American racism that leads to the abuse of power, biased judicial rulings and imprisonments, and insane worship of an old document’s amendment to make excuses for the greed that rules our gun laws in this nation, of which Black citizens are most at risk for being the victims of. But I can speak to the moment, on November 4, 2008, when my four children, my husband and I, heard the most amazing thing, I never thought I would hear: The next President of The United States is Barack Obama. And I, as the most insignificant little person, in what was meant to be, “One Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all”; I had one little vote to cast, and with that vote, I was part of an historical moment, that had never happened before.
Sometimes, the moment of making history in the world, is clouded and unseen. We may never have the privilege of knowing that what is happening today in our country, will have ramifications for good or evil, for better or worse. History is mostly hindsight, and it will be for others to write, as Charles Dickens once famously wrote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
There are many days, to quote another profound writer, I fear I am but one little ant, “living a quiet life of desperation”, and that we Americans will never turn the corner of helping our nation return to its once lofty goals, or that, God help us (literally) we humans will never manage to save our gasping for air, poor Mother Earth, or that people of good conscience will never humble themselves to understand what their God desires for them and all, “The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love” (Psalm 33:5). But today, there is, in the midst of so much darkness, light; in the midst of so much injustice, equality; in the midst of so much fear, hope. And I feel hope for my nation, and for all of us who foolishly believe that we need something we do not have when what we have is all we need — because we have each other, and we have the freedom, and the right, and the oh, so very important necessity to say:
“When in the course of human events it becomes necessary…. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security…..He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good……And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.” (from The Declaration of Independence, 1776)
History being made doesn’t always feel good. It certainly has never been, nor should it be, easy. But then, most good things, most right things, most important things, and all sacred things and sacred trusts, have never come easy, nor should they. For we humans are meant to understand that not only are we privileged with godlike rights on this Earth, but we are tasked with God-like responsibilities. We are created to be our best when we are creative, not destructive; when we are truthful, not deceptive; when we are united, not divided; when we are just, not unjust; and when we give up our prejudices, our covetousness, our fears, and our hatred, for the freedom of treating others, as we would require and wish all to be treated.
Today, is that paradigm of an historical moment that is both sad and happy, both shocking and reassuring, both frightening and hopeful. Today, I am a part of history. You are a part of history. And of course, once we realize we are alive to see history being made, all there is really left for us to do is ask ourselves, “What will we who are privileged to be alive today, leave for our children?” For history is never made to make a name for those alive in it, for all names are eventually forgotten in the tides of time and men. History-making is to make a future for the children, and the grandchildren, and the beautiful, beautiful planet on which we are privileged to come from and return to. For “from dust we are made, and to dust we will return.” But today, a little speck of history’s dust has landed upon my shoulders, and I shall hold it carefully, as a sacred trust of hope, that sometimes, the very present moment can assure us, that “it is well and all will be well.”
Perhaps I am alone in this, but reading living authors like Yann Martel, Fredrick Backman, Alexander McCall Smith; seeing plays by living authors like David Mamet, Tony Kushner, ; watching things that need good writers, like “The Good Place”, “White Lotus”, “Schitt’s Creek”; or movies that reveal something so deeply human, so deeply spiritual, by living authors, like Roberto Benini, Jane Campion, Spike Lee, Key and Peele, Lin-Manuel Miranda; when my whole worldview is rocked by living authors like Don Miguel Ruiz, Richard Rohr, (only one year passed on- Thich Nhat Hanh); or you listen to lyrics by living writers like Joni Mitchel, Alanis Morrisette, Elton John, Leonard Cohen, Beyonce, Patty Griffin, Tori Amos, Dave Matthews….
Oh, I could go on and on and if I had to include any writers who have already gone to that great writer’s conference or jam session in the sky, I would never, never stop — so I guess what I am saying is. Let’s not be silly folks. There is not a chance in the world that AI will replace even the smallest little humans here, let alone the Greats.
Oh, yes, AI is already replacing the people who used to respond to your complaints about your health insurance, or to your request for a response from your local politician, or hacks who churn out fodder to advertise yet something else none of us need but think we do, but is that really so bad? I mean, even those people deserve a chance to find something valuable and meaningful to do with their lives.
So, bring it on, AI. We’ve got your number, which is still 01010101…. You can find me rereading “The Grapes of Wrath” or rewatching “Life is Beautiful” or listening to a Sondheim’s greatest hits CD. And I just finished the latest Backman and saw a great production of “Much Ado About Nothing, and you know what — AI, you are MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING! Nope, no computer in the world will ever, ever, write like even my struggling students can write when it comes from a beating heart, a head full of dreams and things that must be said, and a soul that lives and breathes as only human souls have ever lived. Want to decrease your fears about AI? Grab a good book, go for a walk and conversation with a friend, watch something that makes you think or question or feel, feel, feel, or listen to something that soars and descends, rises and falls, and makes you feel alive. Because “Being Alive” (allusion to Sondheim intentional) will always be a million times more creative, more real, and more eternal, than anything, anything else.
I first heard this song by Mary Gauthier, called “Mercy Now” on some Australian series I can’t remember the name of now. Love the words, love the song. Someone might need to hear it right about now. Remember, we all need a little mercy now and then, and we all need to offer some mercy now and then. I think if we looked deeply into Life, we would see mercy written throughout the world, from the tallest mountain to the deepest ocean floor, from the soaring eagle to the crawling caterpillar, from the highest official to the smallest child. We all need a little mercy now –and forever. And I think, if we open ourselves to it, we will find it and then give it.
“They are not allowed to judge you,” I tell myself. “Not anymore.”
“Not then, not now, not ever,” Truth says to me.
“I allow them to judge me because I had, I have, no faith,” I say to Truth.
With Her reply, Truth holds my breath, and I feel my heart has either stopped or is racing:
“No, you are wrong,” Truth says.
“You let them judge you because you had, you have, no doubt.”
“Doubt what they told you and what they tell you about the world, about what is real, and most of all, about yourself. But above all, do not believe what you yourself tell you about yourself.”
And now, the judges, the liars, those who meant well, and those who loved me most, they all appear within the hurricane of my thoughts, tossing judgements at me like cast-off clothes that no longer fit me.
Truth appears within the swirling thoughts and forces me to look only at what is right in front of me.
“What you do not realize,” Truth whispers, “is that their judgments, just like constricting, mismatched clothes, have never fit you. Neither are your judgements suitable for them or you. Do not follow the fashions of emperors in any clothes that mask the naked truth. Tear them off your body and be naked in the wonder of how you were wonderfully created. Remove the hat of lies that tightens around your head, constricting thoughts of freedom and truth. Step out of shoes not meant for walking long distances in comfort and let your toes and heels feel the earth and know that even what you think is solid ground, is just a symbol of what always moves below, above, and within your very heart, and soul, and mind.”
I felt the urge to free myself, but stopped once more, to turn to Truth and ask, “But how then can I ever know what is real?”
Truth receded from me but with a smile, She asked, “Are you sure you need to know?”
*
And so, I began to seek doubt. To let myself immerse myself in doubting all I thought I knew. And when my thoughts rose up against me, claiming their rights, claiming their importance, claiming that I needed them, I gently shook free of them. I pried myself free from the lies of knowing, the lies of judgement, the lies of fear; and from their grasping, gasping, gawking specters, I began to run, to float, to fly in the freedom of doubt. And in freeing myself into doubting all I thought I knew, I found a little inkling of what was always truly meant by faith.
“You are not real,” I tell my thoughts, my judgements, and my fears. “But I will take you, nonetheless, and make and mold of you something useful. I will take the lies and judgements and fears; I will take the thoughts and feelings and wisps and whispers, and all that I imagine to be real, but which are only symbols of The Real, and with them I will create only beautiful things. Beautiful things for others. Beautiful things for me. Beautiful things for Truth. Because that is what real human beings do.”
And now, let Us create something beautiful.
And Truth stepped aside in hope that Wisdom would stay awhile with me. And as Truth left me here, just here for a little time longer, She gently sung:
Jane Tawel 